Positively Glorious!

I’m addressing this to the world at large, because the people who need to read it— mean, selfish, and/or arrogant people— would likely not think it pertains to them.

Try this at home:

Put aside all those things that you think about yourself. All your  justified motivations for doing things. All those reasons that you are forced to do things that negatively affect other people, even though you don’t really want to.

Put those aside, step out of it all, and view yourself as the world views you.

Okay, first, do yourself a favor. Those few people who, for no reason at all, you can’t get along with: Forget them. Unless it’s more than 2 or 3— then it’s probably not just an unexplainable weird “we just don’t get along” thing. Also, those few people that you just get along splendidly with even though you never met them before: Forget them too. You’re a mean person, so there aren’t going to be too many of them anyway.

Oh, and take out your spouse and children— who will grudgingly love you even though you are an ass.

Now, what you have left is, basically, the rest of the world. That large number of people who only get to see you from the outside of your brain. We, that big group of people who only get to see the things that you do, instead of those good and righteous reasons why you think you do them.

Some subsets to consider:

• Those people who have previously worked for, or with, you.
• Those people who currently work for, or with, you.
• Those people who have actively avoided working for, or with, you. (You know who they are.)

The take home message here is this— and this is where you really need to pay attention— you are who the world sees.

In other words, and to put it in terms I was required to use in the military: If everyone thinks that you are an asshole, then you are an asshole.

“The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.“

Despair, Inc., that comic (de)motivational sign company, has a sign that actually hits the nail squarely on the head. They have one called Dysfunction which states that “The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.” There’s an unfortunate amount of truth to this.

Look, I know that there are really good reasons that you do the things that you do. I know that really you’re a very nice person. You’re thoughtful, you’re considerate. You only do these things because you’re forced to, or because other people need to learn something, or for any number of good and righteous reasons.

I know that. But somehow, the majority of us ignorant, stupid people get through day after day by doing things that are nice to other people. Somehow, we make kindness work. I’m not saying that being— hell, even acting— nice is the right way to live your life, I’m just saying that it’s possible.

So, try this at home. The next time you get those faint, static-filled, AM radio quality signals from someone that seem to suggest that you might possibly be acting like an enormous jerk— even though you are only doing what you have to and the person deserves your nasty response— stop and think a minute. Just pause internally and ask yourself a simple question: “Am I being a jerk because I ‘absolutely positively there is no other way that any person on the face of the earth could react differently in this situation’ have to be one?”

Because maybe, just maybe, are you being a jerk because… well… that is honestly what you are.

I’ll give you a secret: Us— we that live in the great big world outside of your brain—

We don’t see one bit of difference between the two.